The "I Love Me Wall"

QUICK NOTE:  Another WSJ-inspired blog post with a look back to Major Mercurial.

This morning I skimmed through some front-page articles looking for anything on energy exploration/exploitation in developing countries (check), the disaster that is Iraq (check), and the sad fate of Ukraine (check).  

As usual the ol' WSJ didn't disappoint and even threw in a little bonus article (just for me!) in the A-HED column:  "In Washington, the 'Me Wall' Still Trumps the Selfie".

Oh la la, I thought, what do we have here?!

The article discussed how many politicians and aides still prefer office walls adorned with photos of their greatest triumphs and meetings as opposed to selfies on that other kind of wall (who would even dare suggest that our Congressmen use Facebook?!  Oh the gall!).

What I enjoyed most about this article, however, was realizing just how much farther Air Force leaders take the 'Me Wall' concept.

Said the average Air Force officer, "And you should too!"

Our esteemed leaders don't just have photos.  No way!  They have mini-aircraft and tiny tail flashes and ginormous swords and shit.  Just copious amounts of SHIT all over the place.

Some even bring their wives in to arrange the plastic hunks of grey and blue throughout their office so that each piece is strategically visible while the commander hands out LORs and LOCs to the unit.  A real feat I might add.

These walls always struck me as odd.  Maybe because the first "I Love Me Wall" was Major M's and it was overwhelming.  Everything was level and nothing had dust and it spanned almost twenty years of service.  There were many a lecture that I missed because I was too busy trying to figure out the lame inside jokes on each of the placards.  SERIOUSLY!

So what did I do when I began to accrue my own piles of stuff?

I put all my crap in a box and moved the box around.  I still haven't unpacked it and I probably never will.

Photo:  The "I Hate Myself" Box

What are the contents of the box you ask?  Well, I threw most of the quarterly awards and annual awards in the garbage and kept only the items that really meant something to me:  a paperweight from a great Senior, a wrench from the guys, a Paddington Bear from England, a Lochness Monster from Scotland (it's real, ok?), two tail flashes, and some Mighty Ocho stuff (because it's just cool).

So what's on my walls?  Not my degrees, that's for sure.

Photo:  A mighty rooster from France drinking beer.  Entirely normal.

Photo:  A collage from a great friend!

Photo:  A stolen, I mean otherwise acquired, trail sign from UT.

Photo:  A memory board.

Of course I'll put my dad's painting up when I'm truly settled along with all my framed family photos, but this is all I need for now or ever in an office-like environment.

And I don't hate myself (although, ironically, I am reading Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant), I just don't see the need to have silly crap all over the place.

DISCLAIMER:  Don't remove everything from your walls because of this post; just know that everyone thinks you're a douche.

Thanks Bill!

We Left the Lights On: The *

So I might as well get it over with; the reckoning.

I broached the subject last evening and now just want to be rid of the memory.

I had every intention of labeling this post "The Bully" or "Mean Mister M----" or something similar, but upon further reflection this man does not even merit the time necessary for a witty title.  No, no.  Simply put he is an *.

NOTE:  I am borrowing from Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions here with the use of an asterisk to convey the very nature of this man (i.e. he's just an asshole).

Screenshot:  Still makes me laugh; I never did finish this book though...

While I could tell you the stories that surround this man, I'd prefer to take a different approach since (1) you wouldn't believe me anyway and (2) he's not worth the time or effort or energy.

Instead, I'll use a sneaky little trick I learned from a Chief for revealing who is a dirtbag to review boards via a seemingly good performance report.

- Arrogant; thinks he is the best at everything to include public speaking, being an EMT (even though that was 25 years ago), leading, writing, running marathons, woodworking, planning, coordinating, directing, being interesting, preparing for anything, drawing on dry erase boards, PowerPoint, storytelling, single-handedly saving the Pentagon on 9/11, bombing Iraq without being a pilot, etc.
- Sinister; a total snake in the grass!  Watch your back since he's always angling for advancement via tours, presentations, and briefings to the boss
- Self-absorbed; frequently reminds everyone that he could have been a one-star general, but took one for the team and allowed his wife to pursue her dream of teaching as a PhD at the U; additionally, devotes time to attend his two daughters' swimming meets...wouldn't want to sit next to him in the bleachers!!!
- Hated; his pontifications and long sermons are unparalleled; once held senior captains and majors captive for 75-minute lecture on preparing for an inspection and what aircraft maintenance is really about (him, duh)
- Oblivious; perfect AF leader...has no idea how anyone really feels about him and the lack of disrespect they harbor when he is around
- Loathed; should be careful around offsite activities with butter knives since you can't ever trust those depot guys when they've been trapped for hours listening to a know-it-all
- Egotistic; never mind your opinion, this guy has it on lockdown!  Did I mention that he single-handedly saved the country not once, but twice?

All joking aside, what I really wanted to put for E was empty.  I feel sorry for the guy who has to bully a first lieutenant and put down all of his coworkers.  It must be incredibly lonely being so smart and well-educated and successful.

The worst part?  I bet he could be a really great guy if he was willing to stomach a huge piece of humble pie.  I think Jim Collins' was right in Good to Great when he makes the distinction between professional will and personal humility.  There needs to be a balance if you are going to be an effective leader.

I want to end with Tao verse 68, though, since it seems entirely appropriate for the topic at hand:

Photo:  What's a little Tao without some birch trees?!

Photo:  I just hope I never turn out to be like this guy.

Cheers!

Helpless in the Depot

If you'd have asked me to lambast my former bosses and supervisors two months ago I would've been all over it like a fat kid on cake.  Seriously.

Truth:  There is a fat kid trapped inside of me.

I was bitter and angry and still questioning my reasons for leaving Active Duty while simultaneously telling myself that it was on my own terms and had been a long time coming.

There was an element of truth to that, but it's ridiculous to think that my plethora of bad leadership experiences didn't at least marginally contribute to my decision to leave.

I did my best to keep things in perspective and I tried to believe the advice of my coworkers when they said, "You can learn as much from the good ones as you can the bad ones."

The only problem was I had very, very few good examples to draw from and am still unsure what a "good" Air Force officer looks like.  

Are they the shitscreen?  Protecting the guys?  Are they cutthroat and out for themselves?  Searching for another star?  Are they being beat down by Congress?  Going along to get along?

While this line of questioning drove me absolutely batty the last nine months or so I finally came to the realization that it just doesn't matter.  In the words of Seth Godin, "Big companies are filled with turkeys, lifers, incompetents, and political operators.  But there, among the bureaucrats, are some exceptional people."  And the slugs are going to lean on the diligent few until those people shrug.

And you know what I found out?  No one misses Dagny.  They already have another workhorse and that's okay.

I don't mean to sound arrogant, but at one point I had three jobs (Flight Test Commander, Expeditionary Depot Commander, and Assistant Deputy Group Commander) and three additional duties (Air Show Chair, Retirement Ceremony Coordinator, and Group Compliance Inspection Lead).  I'm sure I left out a few things, but I really thought that they needed me.

WRONG!

I should've known better.  I only had those jobs because I was a first lieutenant that was both unwilling and unable to say no.  I was angry that no one stood up for me and helped me say no, but looking back I now see that if I wasn't willing to say anything nobody else would be willing to say anything.

NOTE:  This was made abundantly clear to me when I accidentally overhead my immediate supervisors acknowledge my being bullied (another story entirely) and saying that someone else would say something if it got out of hand.

Anyways, this post isn't meant as some sort of pity party or self-congratulatory epiphany.  It's just finally the result of feeling like enough of an outsider to really see the forest for the trees.

I didn't do myself any favors by suffering in silence (i.e. crying in the bathroom and taking out my anger on the wrong people) and not admitting to feeling overwhelmed.  I wrongly assumed that my volunteering for deployments and different assignments was transmitting my misery loud and clear.

WRONG!

In hindsight this logic was absolutely idiotic and something I will have to bear in mind throughout my next career.

Bottom line?  No one cares about you, but you.  So you better do a good job or be willing to suffer the consequences.  Self-imposed or otherwise.

wikiHow - How to Leave the Military

Word doc:  Do not send this; just get it out of your system.

1 - When you decide to leave the military, do NOT send an angry email.  Better yet, do not send an email at all.  Make the tough phone call if you are on the road or schedule the meeting face-to-face with your supervisor.  If you are angry about a particular situation such as sequestration or a bad boss put those words down on a MS Word document instead of into a MS Outlook email.

Word doc:  Again, just get it out of your system and do NOT quote Sir Richard Branson!

2 - Make sure you are leaving on your terms and not because of a bad situation or bad leadership.  This seems obvious, but a wise GS-14 once reminded me that bad bosses are everywhere.  This same civilian also warned me that I was being called insubordinate during the same time I was applying to separate, which led me to repeat Step 1 and realize that the decision to separate was mine and mine alone.

Screenshot:  Keep it short and sweet with AFPC, they don't read this crap anyway.

3 - Accept that you will have to do everything yourself.  This includes communicating with AFPC, finance, TMO, and similar agencies as well as scheduling the pre-TAP and TAP courses.  All of this must be done while also working full time and trying to find a replacement.  I was unable to accomplish the last part and had to be both the Commander and Operations Officer the last month of Active Duty.  This was to the detriment of the unit and for that I apologize.

Screenshot:  Control what you can control...document, document, DOCUMENT

4 - Track and document everything.  I realize that most everyone knows this, but AFPC will lose everything twice as will finance and TMO and AFRC.  Simply create a transition binder or folder and carrying it around like the Holy Bible.

5 - Record all conversations so that you can remember who is supposed to do what.  You will be overwhelmed with different instructions and told that certain people do not have access to your leave or your separation profile or whatever.  Write it down or tape it.  Whatever your method, record it.

6 - Record all conversations with your immediate supervisor because he has no clue who you are or why you want to separate and they will make you laugh.  Over the course of a ten-minute conversation, we spent two-minutes talking about barbecue and I was actually tasked to email him that I had secured his steak 'rub'.  Never once did he ask what I plan on doing when I got out or what new career I wanted to pursue.  He also asked about the voluntary pay amount as well as the number in my year group getting force shaped.  His previous source had been the AF Times.

Screenshot:  In true wiki fashion (anime photo)...smile!

7 - Try to enjoy the process.  It is the last time you will have to deal with that particular headache!

We Left the Lights On: Lady Gaga

Oh come on now, you know you were guilty of it.

The year?  2009.

The setting?  Any dial on your car radio.

The act?  Singing loudly and proudly to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi or Telephone or whatever.

Don't lie to me.  I know it happened.

Photo:  Oh, nothing like the MTV Music Awards (or a deployment) to bring out the best in a performer.

As is often the case with anamnesis (yea, how do you like that word?!  BAM!), I saw Lady Gaga on the TV the other day promoting her collaboration with Tony Bennett and I was immediately transported back to a different place and time.

Video clip:  Not sure why, but this does not bother me at all.

Unfortunately, my particular memory sequence quickly went from the hilarity of parody videos of guys dancing to Gaga in the desert to an incredibly difficult situation I encountered back at Lakenheath.

Video clip:  Why does everyone dance in the desert?  Still better than Gangnam Style IMHO.

I was still in Accessories Flight (LOL, that word still makes me think of jewelry and not FOHEs) and was working in the Fuels Shop when Major Mercurial called to say that he wanted to see the Senior and I in his office immediately.  We assumed that we were going to be fired, again, and joked that if we actually were fired this time that he would hand out basketballs at the gym while I handed out towels.  Seemed like a good plan.

When we got to the office, however, Major M was pretty upset and was talking to some Americans in suits who were standing in the waiting area.  This was strange considering we were overseas and on a pretty secure installation.  That's when they flashed their badges:  FBI.

They informed my Senior and I that one of our fuels troops had his kids illegally in the UK and that their mother wanted them home and was going to press charges and everything else unless they were on a plane tomorrow.  Now I was no legal expert and I had no idea what had happened in their relationship to bring them to the point of fighting over a three-year-old and a one-year-old, but I knew enough not to push the issue with the FBI.  My Senior and I agreed that the best thing we could do was to offer support for our troop throughout the process.

The FBI explained that in order to get the kids back to the US, however, two members of the unit had to take the kids to Heathrow and give them to an FBI handler for their flight to DC.  One unit member had to be a female and the other a male with no ties to the individual or his kids.  So if you know anything about the demographics of maintenance that female, by default, was me and the male was his immediate supervisor (BTW, an amazing Master Sergeant that continues to do great things).

We coordinated a time to get the kids the following day and the FBI left.  The fuels troop was about as cooperative as one could be in that situation.  I had no idea what to do when he wouldn't stop hugging them so I just figured we would speed to the airport to make up lost time.  I also loaded them up with Capri Suns and Scooby snacks for the plane ride (because who doesn't love a kid jacked up on sugar during an eight-hour flight?!).  I was also of zero assistance getting them through security because they wouldn't stop hugging me or my Master Sergeant.  Pretty much an epic fail on my part, but the situation still breaks my heart when I think about it.

Regardless, it was a very quiet two-hour ride back to Lakenheath.  That's when Lady Gaga came on the radio.

Maybe I beebopped my head or started an unconscious shoulder dance, but my Master Sergeant took it to the next level and started belting it out:

I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN

I'LL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME

PAPA - PAPARAZZI

And just for a moment everything was okay and it was just funny and we were laughing and shouting and singing and we were human and their was no hierarchy or kids on planes or broken families.

There was Lady Gaga.

Of course I cried when I got home and hoped I never had to do anything like that ever again, but out of all the bad stuff always comes something good and that's what I'll try to remember going forward.

Cheers!

Middle Management & AOCs

Over the course of the last month I have had two distinct conversations with two very different people about the same topic:  AOCs.

For those not well-versed in United States Air Force Academy lingo, an AOC (Air Officer Commanding) is usually a major in charge of a squadron of about 100 cadets.  The role is designed to help guide and mentor officer candidates during their four years at school as well as prepare them to become leaders in the "real Air Force".

Now I think the primary reason that I had these two discussions is that a lot of grads either had great AOCs or terrible AOCs.  I personally had a terrible experience since my particular AOC saw the position as a stepping stone toward bigger and better management positions.  He also seemed to take his responsibilities lightly and operate within a weird set of double standards.

Sadly, when I queried "AOC USAFA" on Google the following video appeared:

Video clip:  Seriously?!

You don't have to watch the whole thing, but there is a telling segment right around the two-minute mark where the interviewee explains that he saw the AOC position as a means to get a master's degree.  I mean never mind the cadets or anything.

Looking back, this would be a trend that I would encounter with most mid-level managers during my active duty career.  Not all, but most majors and captains seem to forget the importance of their current job because they have their eye on the prize (i.e. school slots, commander jobs, etc.).

I was reminded of these conversations yesterday when I saw an article re-posted by my sister that discussed force shaping in the Army.  The piece obviously wanted to bring to light the fact that folks are being kicked out of the military while deployed, but I think the bigger issue is the focus on quantity over quality.

The United States and DOD have experienced countless personnel surges and drawdowns since WWII.  Each time we get too big we cut our most precious resource (human capital) to the bone.  The decisions seem to hinge almost entirely on sheer numbers and dollar figures rather than the type of leader in question as well as the investment made in that individual to date.  My overarching fear, however, is that we have gone a little too far during this particular set of cuts due to an amplified focus on the economy.

DOD:  Between a rock and a hard place?

Most services offered a severance package or payout to junior military officers with, what I believe to be, the unintended consequence of forcing out the best and brightest leaders.  I truly think that those who no longer felt appreciated by their bosses and needed more intrinsic incentives to stick around made the easy choice and left.  Thus, the hollowing of the force is taking place in preciously the area that needs leadership the most:  the middle.

While HBR frequently vacillates on whether middle management is obsolete or crucial, I found their latest research rather compelling.  Specifically, the writers argue that those caught between higher-ups and employees are forced to find a creative way to solve problems, which makes them critical to both the top and bottom line.  This squeeze produces an experienced manager that is often taken for granted or not allowed to continue in this same line of work.

Hmmm, sounds familiar.

I wish I could end this post on a more positive note, but I think that the DOD is on the cusp of a very long and sustained middle management drought that will require years to reverse.

But hopefully I am wrong.

Better

I feel better.

Not in a permanent way, but I think this whole pseudo-sabbatical is going to do me good in the long run.  I say pseudo, but maybe sham or quasi or artificial or fake or bogus is a better qualifier for the past 58 days.

Photo:  Maybe I just needed a trial run so that I can actually enjoy my next semi-retirement!

I mean I really didn't go off the deep end and backpack Europe or take a trip to Antarctica or ride the Vodka Train (or any train with alcohol) or visit Ukraine or anything I thought I wanted to do.  

I did learn that I like a certain amount of financial stability and knowing that my paychecks were going to stop on 1 September really prevented me from going crazy.  And this is coming from someone who doesn't have to worry about money (i.e. no sick kids or egregious debts or loans), but it's funny how it just creeps into every decision you have to make and I mean every decision.  

I guess I did the best I could given all the change and instability I encountered over the past six months, but now with less than 30 days until I potentially start another career I can't help but realize I kind of worried through the last two months.

Don't get me wrong.  I still had a great time traveling to Minnesota and Las Vegas and catching up with friends and making new friends and hiking the national parks and writing and reading and researching and moving to a different state.  Everything was just punctuated with anxiety and worry over interviews and job applications.

And although I feel better and believe that at least 50% of each day is good, I still want to get better.  I certainly don't want to continue to blame the past for my attitude problems or my inability to move forward or let go and have fun during the next month and beyond.  We all know those people that blame someone or something for their unhappiness and their resentment builds up until they condemn themselves to misery for ever and ever.  And that was certainly me.  Trapped.

Screenshot:  Extreme example of blaming issues on the past, but you get my point.

I guess I want to be done blaming the Air Force and my job for my misery and my failures and shortcomings.  It's funny, but my former dreams and I just kind of grew apart and I see that as okay now and that I didn't quit.  I understand it for what it was.

Even funnier is I feel so old talking to folks around here and telling them my stories.  Some say I am an old soul or that I have already lived a full life, but it feels just the opposite to me.

Article:  I can totally relate LOL

So I guess going forward I want to be a little less reflective and even less introspective in order to start figuring out what I really want to get out of this break.  I'll keep the stories flowing, but I want to lose the caustic edge and bitterness in favor of some more humor.

Cheers!