If you'd have asked me to lambast my former bosses and supervisors two months ago I would've been all over it like a fat kid on cake. Seriously.
I was bitter and angry and still questioning my reasons for leaving Active Duty while simultaneously telling myself that it was on my own terms and had been a long time coming.
There was an element of truth to that, but it's ridiculous to think that my plethora of bad leadership experiences didn't at least marginally contribute to my decision to leave.
I did my best to keep things in perspective and I tried to believe the advice of my coworkers when they said, "You can learn as much from the good ones as you can the bad ones."
The only problem was I had very, very few good examples to draw from and am still unsure what a "good" Air Force officer looks like.
Are they the shitscreen? Protecting the guys? Are they cutthroat and out for themselves? Searching for another star? Are they being beat down by Congress? Going along to get along?
While this line of questioning drove me absolutely batty the last nine months or so I finally came to the realization that it just doesn't matter. In the words of Seth Godin, "Big companies are filled with turkeys, lifers, incompetents, and political operators. But there, among the bureaucrats, are some exceptional people." And the slugs are going to lean on the diligent few until those people shrug.
And you know what I found out? No one misses Dagny. They already have another workhorse and that's okay.
I don't mean to sound arrogant, but at one point I had three jobs (Flight Test Commander, Expeditionary Depot Commander, and Assistant Deputy Group Commander) and three additional duties (Air Show Chair, Retirement Ceremony Coordinator, and Group Compliance Inspection Lead). I'm sure I left out a few things, but I really thought that they needed me.
WRONG!
I should've known better. I only had those jobs because I was a first lieutenant that was both unwilling and unable to say no. I was angry that no one stood up for me and helped me say no, but looking back I now see that if I wasn't willing to say anything nobody else would be willing to say anything.
NOTE: This was made abundantly clear to me when I accidentally overhead my immediate supervisors acknowledge my being bullied (another story entirely) and saying that someone else would say something if it got out of hand.
Anyways, this post isn't meant as some sort of pity party or self-congratulatory epiphany. It's just finally the result of feeling like enough of an outsider to really see the forest for the trees.
I didn't do myself any favors by suffering in silence (i.e. crying in the bathroom and taking out my anger on the wrong people) and not admitting to feeling overwhelmed. I wrongly assumed that my volunteering for deployments and different assignments was transmitting my misery loud and clear.
WRONG!
In hindsight this logic was absolutely idiotic and something I will have to bear in mind throughout my next career.
Bottom line? No one cares about you, but you. So you better do a good job or be willing to suffer the consequences. Self-imposed or otherwise.
Truth: There is a fat kid trapped inside of me.
I was bitter and angry and still questioning my reasons for leaving Active Duty while simultaneously telling myself that it was on my own terms and had been a long time coming.
There was an element of truth to that, but it's ridiculous to think that my plethora of bad leadership experiences didn't at least marginally contribute to my decision to leave.
I did my best to keep things in perspective and I tried to believe the advice of my coworkers when they said, "You can learn as much from the good ones as you can the bad ones."
The only problem was I had very, very few good examples to draw from and am still unsure what a "good" Air Force officer looks like.
Are they the shitscreen? Protecting the guys? Are they cutthroat and out for themselves? Searching for another star? Are they being beat down by Congress? Going along to get along?
While this line of questioning drove me absolutely batty the last nine months or so I finally came to the realization that it just doesn't matter. In the words of Seth Godin, "Big companies are filled with turkeys, lifers, incompetents, and political operators. But there, among the bureaucrats, are some exceptional people." And the slugs are going to lean on the diligent few until those people shrug.
And you know what I found out? No one misses Dagny. They already have another workhorse and that's okay.
I don't mean to sound arrogant, but at one point I had three jobs (Flight Test Commander, Expeditionary Depot Commander, and Assistant Deputy Group Commander) and three additional duties (Air Show Chair, Retirement Ceremony Coordinator, and Group Compliance Inspection Lead). I'm sure I left out a few things, but I really thought that they needed me.
WRONG!
I should've known better. I only had those jobs because I was a first lieutenant that was both unwilling and unable to say no. I was angry that no one stood up for me and helped me say no, but looking back I now see that if I wasn't willing to say anything nobody else would be willing to say anything.
NOTE: This was made abundantly clear to me when I accidentally overhead my immediate supervisors acknowledge my being bullied (another story entirely) and saying that someone else would say something if it got out of hand.
Anyways, this post isn't meant as some sort of pity party or self-congratulatory epiphany. It's just finally the result of feeling like enough of an outsider to really see the forest for the trees.
I didn't do myself any favors by suffering in silence (i.e. crying in the bathroom and taking out my anger on the wrong people) and not admitting to feeling overwhelmed. I wrongly assumed that my volunteering for deployments and different assignments was transmitting my misery loud and clear.
WRONG!
In hindsight this logic was absolutely idiotic and something I will have to bear in mind throughout my next career.
Bottom line? No one cares about you, but you. So you better do a good job or be willing to suffer the consequences. Self-imposed or otherwise.
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