We Left the Lights On: The *

So I might as well get it over with; the reckoning.

I broached the subject last evening and now just want to be rid of the memory.

I had every intention of labeling this post "The Bully" or "Mean Mister M----" or something similar, but upon further reflection this man does not even merit the time necessary for a witty title.  No, no.  Simply put he is an *.

NOTE:  I am borrowing from Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions here with the use of an asterisk to convey the very nature of this man (i.e. he's just an asshole).

Screenshot:  Still makes me laugh; I never did finish this book though...

While I could tell you the stories that surround this man, I'd prefer to take a different approach since (1) you wouldn't believe me anyway and (2) he's not worth the time or effort or energy.

Instead, I'll use a sneaky little trick I learned from a Chief for revealing who is a dirtbag to review boards via a seemingly good performance report.

- Arrogant; thinks he is the best at everything to include public speaking, being an EMT (even though that was 25 years ago), leading, writing, running marathons, woodworking, planning, coordinating, directing, being interesting, preparing for anything, drawing on dry erase boards, PowerPoint, storytelling, single-handedly saving the Pentagon on 9/11, bombing Iraq without being a pilot, etc.
- Sinister; a total snake in the grass!  Watch your back since he's always angling for advancement via tours, presentations, and briefings to the boss
- Self-absorbed; frequently reminds everyone that he could have been a one-star general, but took one for the team and allowed his wife to pursue her dream of teaching as a PhD at the U; additionally, devotes time to attend his two daughters' swimming meets...wouldn't want to sit next to him in the bleachers!!!
- Hated; his pontifications and long sermons are unparalleled; once held senior captains and majors captive for 75-minute lecture on preparing for an inspection and what aircraft maintenance is really about (him, duh)
- Oblivious; perfect AF leader...has no idea how anyone really feels about him and the lack of disrespect they harbor when he is around
- Loathed; should be careful around offsite activities with butter knives since you can't ever trust those depot guys when they've been trapped for hours listening to a know-it-all
- Egotistic; never mind your opinion, this guy has it on lockdown!  Did I mention that he single-handedly saved the country not once, but twice?

All joking aside, what I really wanted to put for E was empty.  I feel sorry for the guy who has to bully a first lieutenant and put down all of his coworkers.  It must be incredibly lonely being so smart and well-educated and successful.

The worst part?  I bet he could be a really great guy if he was willing to stomach a huge piece of humble pie.  I think Jim Collins' was right in Good to Great when he makes the distinction between professional will and personal humility.  There needs to be a balance if you are going to be an effective leader.

I want to end with Tao verse 68, though, since it seems entirely appropriate for the topic at hand:

Photo:  What's a little Tao without some birch trees?!

Photo:  I just hope I never turn out to be like this guy.

Cheers!

Helpless in the Depot

If you'd have asked me to lambast my former bosses and supervisors two months ago I would've been all over it like a fat kid on cake.  Seriously.

Truth:  There is a fat kid trapped inside of me.

I was bitter and angry and still questioning my reasons for leaving Active Duty while simultaneously telling myself that it was on my own terms and had been a long time coming.

There was an element of truth to that, but it's ridiculous to think that my plethora of bad leadership experiences didn't at least marginally contribute to my decision to leave.

I did my best to keep things in perspective and I tried to believe the advice of my coworkers when they said, "You can learn as much from the good ones as you can the bad ones."

The only problem was I had very, very few good examples to draw from and am still unsure what a "good" Air Force officer looks like.  

Are they the shitscreen?  Protecting the guys?  Are they cutthroat and out for themselves?  Searching for another star?  Are they being beat down by Congress?  Going along to get along?

While this line of questioning drove me absolutely batty the last nine months or so I finally came to the realization that it just doesn't matter.  In the words of Seth Godin, "Big companies are filled with turkeys, lifers, incompetents, and political operators.  But there, among the bureaucrats, are some exceptional people."  And the slugs are going to lean on the diligent few until those people shrug.

And you know what I found out?  No one misses Dagny.  They already have another workhorse and that's okay.

I don't mean to sound arrogant, but at one point I had three jobs (Flight Test Commander, Expeditionary Depot Commander, and Assistant Deputy Group Commander) and three additional duties (Air Show Chair, Retirement Ceremony Coordinator, and Group Compliance Inspection Lead).  I'm sure I left out a few things, but I really thought that they needed me.

WRONG!

I should've known better.  I only had those jobs because I was a first lieutenant that was both unwilling and unable to say no.  I was angry that no one stood up for me and helped me say no, but looking back I now see that if I wasn't willing to say anything nobody else would be willing to say anything.

NOTE:  This was made abundantly clear to me when I accidentally overhead my immediate supervisors acknowledge my being bullied (another story entirely) and saying that someone else would say something if it got out of hand.

Anyways, this post isn't meant as some sort of pity party or self-congratulatory epiphany.  It's just finally the result of feeling like enough of an outsider to really see the forest for the trees.

I didn't do myself any favors by suffering in silence (i.e. crying in the bathroom and taking out my anger on the wrong people) and not admitting to feeling overwhelmed.  I wrongly assumed that my volunteering for deployments and different assignments was transmitting my misery loud and clear.

WRONG!

In hindsight this logic was absolutely idiotic and something I will have to bear in mind throughout my next career.

Bottom line?  No one cares about you, but you.  So you better do a good job or be willing to suffer the consequences.  Self-imposed or otherwise.

We Left the Lights On: The Tormentor

Trust me when I say that I am as sick and tired as everyone else when it comes to hearing about the latest national epidemic:  bullying.

I guess I simply accepted the so-called bullying that I experienced in grade school, middle school, and high school as a right of passage.  It built character or increased my resilience or something.

Photo:  Ah, my favorite character-building pastimes:  bullying and shoveling snow.

I am sure that my parents struggled watching me make friends that would ultimately turn into monsters and mean girls (seriously), but I am better for it in hindsight.

Video clip:  They seriously wouldn't have made this movie if it wasn't true...

High school really wasn't that bad and maybe I was even a bully at times, but only a goofball or nerdy one.

Video clip:  I'd stuff you in your lock-ER for not doing your homework!

I encountered some tough times at the Academy, but never felt bullied or put down or singled out for unfair treatment.  By the time I graduated I assumed I was in the clear.  Professional workforce here I come!

Things were generally fine until I went to Bagram.  I mean I was laughed at in meetings back at Lakenheath, but I was a second lieutenant and I was an idiot.  Briefings and taskers were certainly a right of passage and I figured that as long as I kept doing my best I would eventually dig myself out of that hole.  I mean the military really can't fire you and if you don't get a DUI or stop breathing, then you will eventually make rank (c.f. Captain Cockeyes) so I at least had that option going for me.

But in Bagram I couldn't do anything right.

I'll admit that I bombed my first briefing, but the rash of required pre-briefs to the pre-briefs to the actual briefings that I had to do were pure torture.  This was only required of me (no other lieutenants or captains) by the squadron commander, Major Tormentor.  They were one-on-one and were absolute misery with written and spoken reports required to prove I was doing as I was told.

I was cussed at and told I was stupid and incompetent and pathetic, but when I finally wised up and brought the Chief along none of this ever took place.  The major became affable and would even invite us to midnight chow and let us borrow his truck if necessary.

I felt like a fake and a whiner.  Every instance of torment that I relayed to the leadership team around me seemed implausible.  Who would believe a dumb second lieutenant over a major anyway?

There was one time when an individual had a seizure along the path between the buildings and I responded since I saw everything happen.  When the major showed up he told me to get lost.  Seriously.  I had gotten someone to call the medic and rolled the guy on his side and I was told to leave.  I didn't because I am obstinate, but COME ON!

Article:  I sucked; I'll admit that much.

Major Tormentor eventually showed his true colors one night barging into the unit and screaming and screaming and then trying to slam the door.  He actually tried to slam the door twice.  I had no idea what he tried to say and only remember laughing hysterically with the senior after he stormed out of the building without the sound effect of a door slamming shut.

He remained generally prickly and, besides giving some really terrible roll calls (to his own discredit), proved to be no worse than a bad bout of gas:  uncomfortable, but temporary.

Fortunately, despite all the crap leaders I had the distinct pleasure of working for, he remains only one of two that I might still hit with my car given the chance.  So that's a win for the Air Force!

It would be another two years until I met my next bully and entered a new dimension of leadership hell, but that story will have to wait since I am not quite done with Bagram yet.

NOTE:  That vehicular manslaughter threat is not real; it is just for storytelling purposes!