French Toast

I want to revisit Major Mercurial for just a moment.

See, this particular individual was a fantastic leader when he wasn't being an inconsistent, people-pleasing cyborg.

Photo:  I swear that my back-to-back use of Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) to represent Major M is entirely by coincidence...

He was, and remains, someone you wanted to like.  During his first command, he maintained that his family was the number one priority and he actually lived by this mantra.  He was also genuinely funny and always seemed to be inviting people to his home for meals.  Major Mercurial was the textbook commander.

Then he wasn't.

When he got his next command something changed.  He seemed worn out.  Tired.  He admitted to sleeping in his office on multiple occasions and even moved a couch into the administrative area so he had somewhere besides his desk to spend the night when he just couldn't make it home.

Then his high-school aged son got a high-school aged girl pregnant and he became a grandfather.

Then he started trying too hard to have the guys like him.

Then he made rank.

A fellow lieutenant and I decided to play a trick on him during his pin-on ceremony as he was once a practical joker himself.  The whole incident took place around a fundraising event that the cops were holding where they would "arrest" a prominent leader on trumped-up charges and then force his unit to pay bail.

The entire premise for the arrest, I now realize, was in bad taste, but we just meant for everyone to have a good laugh.

See, Major Mercurial used to ride motorcycles with a hilarious Chief Master Sergeant that we knew and on one of their rides the Major's bike broke down, which forced him to ride with the Chief.  Thus, the charges we brought him up on (and this is still all under don't ask, don't tell, mind you) were wearing only assless chaps in order to hitch rides with burly men on bikes.  Or something like that.

Either way, the cops arrested him in front of a laughing crowd with fuzzy pink handcuffs.  That's when he lost it.  He became irate at the fact that someone (not sure if he knows it was me and a cohort) had ruined his promotion ceremony.  I felt bad for the cops since they were only trying to raise money and even worse for ruining something that held such importance to the man.

I should've known better since he berated me, on more than one occasion, for trying to get out of my promotions.

"As an officer you only promote so many times...blah blah blah."

Just not my bag.  But again, I should've known better.

Mostly because he lectured me on other things as well.

I'll never forget my first mentoring session.  It took place at the golf course restaurant at like 5 AM and he brought along a career-broadening captain.  This is only to say that RAF Lakenheath had the lowest concentration of core maintenance officers for some weird reason.  More on that later.

Anyways, I had only been there for two months when they asked if I planned to make this a career.

Not knowing that I was supposed to lie I blurted out, over wonderful french toast sticks BTW, "NO!"  I'm pretty sure I laughed after I said that too.  Oops.

Photo:  Makes me think of the french toast song from USAFA...

The look on their faces suggested that instead of having provided a simple, monosyllabic answer to their question, I had instead gone on a long diatribe about carelessly running over babies with my car.  For fun.

Needless to say, the rest of the mentoring session was a mix of "consider not being so forthright" and "you should really want to do this forever until you die of a heart attack at your desk".

Photo:  The french (and bad commanders) can really ruin anything.

I really hate that I am saying this because I really did like the guy.  I still want to be like him on his best of days.  I just saw then and there what the USAF valued more than honesty:  the politician that toed the party line.